


Mythos: Komarot

by JadeTheThief



Category: Dice Funk Podcast D&D Campaign
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-07 00:50:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18862393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadeTheThief/pseuds/JadeTheThief
Summary: Komarot was a fun addition to the ADD series, spinning off of Dice Funk season 1.  A cranky, perpetually drunk goblin man with connections leading back to Satharan, the mother of monsters like Gorfinax, and the event that first sent her to the Meat Wheel.





	Mythos: Komarot

    A pile of trash rustled in the moonlit alley, groaning softly. “Ah, feck me…” A scrawny green hand attached to a bony arm reached up, clearing scattered bags and boxes away to reveal a short, naked, hairless goblin. “Where the ‘ell em I?” His marble-like black eyes blinked, gazing up at the starry sky.  
    A cat wandered by and he shouted at it, shaking his fist. “’Ey! ‘Ey you! What wheel is this?” The cat blinked at him and he sighed, rubbing his forehead. “’Course you don’t know what the bloody wheels are… What plane is this? You know, dimension? Reality? …Planet?” He stepped closer and the cat turned and ran.  
    “Rude bloody bastard.” He scowled, pawing through the trash. After a couple minutes of searching, he emerged with a pair of miniature spectacles and placed them on his stubby nose, hooking the ear hooks around his long, pointed ears. “Might as well find somethin’ ta drink. Every wheel’s got a good bar, thank tha gods.”

 

    Downing his eighth drink, the goblin waved at the bartender for another. A bald monk sat at the next stool, glancing at him sidelong. “That many drinks could kill a man,” he observed.  
    “Ain’t no man,” the goblin belched, extending a hand. “Name’s Komarot. Wheel-maker.”  
    The monk shook his hand, somewhat apprehensive. “So you’re a craftsman?”  
    “Guess ya could say that.” Komarot shrugged, reaching out to take the next drink. “Yer brain would explode if ah tried to explain it, though.”  
    “I’m quite knowledgeable,” the monk replied. “Try me.”  
    Komarot sighed, setting his cup down. “So there’s these wheels, see? Tons of ‘em, all over the place. Big one’s called ‘The Meat Wheel.’ Satharan’s kids fuck around on that one. Real nasty place.” He looked down, taking a gulp of his drink. “Unfort’nately, think that might be where I am. Anyway, I made the bloody thing. Made all of ‘em. Seemed like a good idea at the time. Time gets all fecked if yeh leave it linear. Straight line to the bleedin’ apocalypse, it is.”  
    “Things gots ta rotate. Don’t think Satharan gets that. Ol’ bitch thinks she can just keep crappin’ out kids and they’ll rule the friggin’ world.” He laughed hoarsely. “She’s in for a surprise when feckin’ Gorfinax finally rises from his feckin’ slumber. Doubt he’ll even make it a quarter rotation ‘fore he gets tossed out. ‘nfact, wanna make a bet on it?”  
    The monk shook his head.  
    “Eh, your loss.” Komarot burped. “Good choice, though. I’m right on this. So anyway, I builds all these wheels, ‘n Satharan starts getting’ ideas ‘bout rulin’ over tha mortals, or some shit.” He lifts his feet onto the stool, hunching like a gargoyle. “Whaddya wanna rule ova mortals fer? Useless meat sacks, they is. Don’t even taste that good. So I tells her that. I says: ‘Look, ya fat bitch, just leave tha wheels to do their spinnin’, like I built ‘em fer,’ and I guess she didn’t like that, and now ‘ere I em.”  
    The monk frowned. “Maybe you shouldn’t have called her a fat bitch.”  
    “Eh, you wouldn’t get it, feckin’ mortal.” Komarot waved at him dismissively, finishing his drink. “Well, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go find where ah put tha exit on this wheel.” He pushes his stool back, hopping down to the floor. “See ya around.”


End file.
